I am at an extreme low

Oh god....Well I caught Fred looking at porn on the internet. Now I am not talking a little looking, I am talking a whole lot. Well I feel like that is really sick and it makes me really insecure.

But I can't stop thinking now that he could be cheating on me, or has or does, or whatever. I am losing my mind with the pain of it...I cannot deal with lying men. I had too much pain before and I cannot do this again...

I did ask him and he said "no I couldn't do that I would feel tooo guilty"....but they all say that.

Anyway I am hurting but see no end because I don't know if I will ever trust him....I feel so betrayed.

Leah

Well still no job

I am getting a little edgy lately. I really would like to have a job. I know I can substitute, but I just don't think its my style.

I have a interview at Montana Community School on Monday but we drove out there on our way back to the city after the wedding we attended this weekend, an the roads were totally horrendous. The roads are mainly sand with no Gravel so they are full of huge holes and are way too bumpy. They also do not have drainage so the roads are swampy...It ends up taking 20 minutes on my drive time to get to the school from Ermin skin. Not very good. So I really will not be able to take the job if I get it. This is summer which is the best driving conditions so I would hate to see the winter.

Anyways, I asked the eight ball on my facebook profile page and it assured me I would get a job this week.LOL

Leah

Got my new X-Trail

So I finally picked up my X-trail. Really sweet. I am a little nervous right now though about paying for it. I just want a job already....or potential jobs. I applied for 3 jobs today. All are out of town though so I will wait and see. Fred is not crazy about it..."you are going to run your new vehicle to death". Whatever, I just need to get a bloody job and if that means outside the city than that is what I need to do.

I just want to be done already

Well I am "kind of" done school as I only have to finish one computer course, which I am doing right now. But like a turd I never caught on to the fact that I needed to have 3 written references from people regarding my skills as a teacher or potential for teaching. I also need to write cover letters and an autobiographical statement. YUCK!!

Well I should be doing my autobiographical statement right now as I am on the computer, but I find I am losing my motivation today. I did however successfully complete my resume today to Fred's standards...my god he was eying my minute formatting "faux pas". Well most of its done, but now I need to hit people up for letters of references and I have no idea how many will actually want to do this. Damn! If I had any sense I would have looked at this stuff earlier and then got them done as soon as someone offered.

On another note Aaryanna gave me a lovely brooch for mother's day...she drew a picture of me in a ballerina tutu with tights.LOL.Sooo cute. I even have painted nails.LOL She was sooo proud and so am I. I am going to wear it everywhere and then maybe put it in my new car to look at all the time.

Leah

I am done

Well maybe I should rephrase that....I am really, really close to being done.

I am trying to slap together a resume and also have applied for my teacher certification. Yeah I sure hope this will be done soon so I can move ahead in to something else.

So I am now in my second week

My God. I have started taking over the Social Studies 13 class and let me tell you I am strongly whacking myself in the head for going in to teaching. Possibly I am overwhelmed and these kids are just whacked.

As I may have posted last week (not sure I can remember), I had my first class where I was officially in charge of this class. Well needless to say I was not in charge, the students were. It was beyond out of control. So this week I decided I would give them my "tough teacher" spiel. They were better, but only marginally.

I feel that the students really do not view me as a "legitimate" teacher and therefore feel no need to give me any respect whatsoever. Class room management class certainly does not cover this. The beauty of all this is that if I admit defeat I am a failure, if I ask for more guidance I am a failure. I really do not feel that my mentor teacher is supporting me.

I watched my mentor teacher with these kids and he basically lets them do whatever they want and then plays like he has been in control. I on the other hand would like them to learn. He started an assignment with them last week when I started where they were to have 3 days to complete a group assignment (more than enough time to finish this assignment). Well 3 days turned in to 4 days and then they were given the weekend to complete it on their own time. So today when I get there they are asking to have more time. My Mentor Teacher asks me with the student there what I think (remember I had them Friday and they completely were nuts and screwing around the 1 1/2 hour class. So I said "No, I do not think you should have any more time"....well needless to say my mentor teacher says "okay you can have the last half hour to work on your assignment. What the f%#.

What is truly ironic is that he recommends tomorrow when I am to mark their assignment (power point and speeches, poster, and newspaper ad) I should "praise their work and mark them easy". Sounds like a brilliant way to reward them for doing nothing. Great message for them to understand the realities of the world.

Anyways, I really hope tomorrow is better. I am really ready to approach the vice-principal for guidance or my University Facilitator, however this may just make me look incompetent and irritate my mentor teacher. HELP!

Leah

Yeah First Day is Over!!!

So my first day is over. I have had a great day and feel I will really enjoy my teaching post. My mentor teacher seems to be good and I hope to have a lot of fun. He actually is going to let me take over the class for a few days without him in there so that I get comfortable before he observes me. I love it!

I am kind of surprised with the cleverness of the students. My last school seems to have been a little "slower" in the intelligence scale, but they were awesome too. ANyways I will add when I get anything more exciting.

Leah